Two weeks ago we had the pleasure of talking to Christopher Gutierrez, a well-known writer and an icon to some. Find out all about his new book 4AM Friends, his plans for upcoming book tours and overall just find out more about who he is and what he has to say after the cut.

There have been people following your LiveJournal for a few years now. How would you say these people have watched you change and grow and in what ways?
Well to be honest with you the blog is a direct outlet for how I got involved in the first place.  Some people may be like “oh my god that’s so trite of you to say, a blog changed and altered the way that you live,” but it’s the truth!  The fact is is that I’ve never, you know if you’re given an opportunity to speak to you know hundreds of thousands of people at once it changes your perception of basically the world.  Typically because you’re so used to hanging out in the same circle that you normally would hang out with like just your circle of friends, you know exactly how they behave, you know people tend to gravitate towards their friends for a reason, not because they’re assholes, you know what I’m saying?  They gravitate towards them because they are like-minded people who kind of share the same likes, dislikes, humor, music or whatever it is, there’s always something that kind of binds people together…and when you have a blog you don’t necessarily have that connection.  While that connection is there to an extent you know certain musical aspects or theme aspects or whatever but there’s a huge portion of people who have no idea about any of the music that I listen to or anything like that and so the thing is that when I say things or I write things, and I just believe them as they’re going to be interpreted as good or critical or bad, it’s funny because a lot of times things that I write that I think are really positive come off really negative to certain people.  Through that way it’s made me a more open person; I think I’m more an empathetic person…there was a time in the beginning when I started this blog where I was a really intentionally abrasive asshole, you know because I was with my friends and I was like “haha look at all these kids reading what I have to say, watch I’m going to fuck with them” you know what I’m saying, like that type of bonehead mentality.  So I started doing that then I realized some kid from let’s say Texas was like “hey man, what you’re saying is kind of shitty and it hurts my feelings and this is why” and even if it was an anonymous comment like there’s still somebody on the other side of an anonymous comment, a lot of people nag on anonymous commenters but for me I’m always like “well whether or not they put a name to it is irrelevant because there’s still a person behind it, there’s still someone who feels behind that [comment], they wrote it for a reason!”  I mean there are obvious haters but then there’s people who are giving you honest criticism.  When you open yourself up you get a lot of genuine criticism it really makes you take a step back and think about the things that you say and it really makes you understand that there are other people out there who have different thoughts than you and it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re wrong.  So in that way, besides that I’ve grown throughout the years in my writing, I’ve gotten more focused.  I’ve learned to explain myself a lot better because I’ve learned over the years that certain people have taken things that I’ve said out of context.

So you would say you make a habit out of reading all of the questions?
Absolutely, every last one of them.  I read every single comment.

A while ago you did a book tour – do you see yourself ever doing that again?
I’ve done close to probably 13 book tours.  I actually stopped doing book tours at the end of last year, the fall, because I felt like I didn’t have anything to say anymore.  I toured on and off since probably like 2006 and it just got to the point where you know I didn’t feel like I had anything else to say anymore.  While I know kids will continue to come and I know kids would continue to buy things, you know this is what I do and yeah it’s my job but at the same time it’s like something that I believe in.  There are very few people out there who believe in their job, they do their job because it makes them money, because it’s security, because they like the car they drive, because they like the house they live in so they continue to work for so and so even if they don’t like them.  I mean how many people out there hate their boss or hate the fact that they’re making money for a company that they don’t necessarily agree with.  What I do is, I make very little money but what I do make I know is all honest and is all me.  Every dollar that I’ve spent is because of the energy that I’ve put in before and it all goes back to me, so it’s like I’m reinvesting in myself.  And so basically what it comes down to is integrity.  I knew that I had established a commodity; I don’t mean that in a negative way , where I knew that I could show up to Philadelphia and X amount of people would show up, I knew that I would show up to London and I could fill a room.  I didn’t want people to show up because Chris Gutierrez was showing up to their town, I wanted people to show up because Chris Gutierrez was showing up and had something to say.  It got to the point where I felt like I didn’t really have anything to say anymore and while I knew there was still a little money there, it was all about keeping the shit real for lack of a better phrase.  So I told people that I would stop touring and I took a huge hit and I haven’t made like barely any money since then but with this new book I’m putting out, this 4AM Friends thing, is completely different from anything I’ve written before in so many different ways..in vulnerability, in honesty, in structure, it’s not nonfiction short stories it’s just one continuous story.  It’s unbelievable honest to the point where it makes me uncomfortable, that I’m nervous about it.  By that right it motivated me, it inspired me, the thing that I was doing actually inspired ME and so now I feel like I have something to say…like I finally feel like I have something to say, it’s almost been a year and so I’m definitely contemplating and in the beginning stages of planning another book tour. But yes, I will probably do another tour in the future.

A lot of people would call you a pretty insightful person and insight most commonly stems from experience. Would you say there’s been a specific defining experience that’s helped to shape who you are?
Um yeah I mean there have been a number of different experiences, everything from confronting my father and realizing that he no longer has power over the course and direction of my life to really sitting back and getting the opportunity to write stories about significant happenings in my life and there’s a lot of significant little things that I didn’t think were significant but they were!  Everything from getting made fun of at school, you know one specific day and how that changed my perception of people to the first time I left the country and I realized that diversity is meeting people, traveling to places and diversity is key to expanding as a person, to understanding diversity, to being able to appreciate what you have.  I used an analogy on one of my last tours, I grew up in Chicago and yeah, we do have the greatest pizza in the world, but here’s the thing…I grew up here, so for me that’s just how pizza tasted.  I didn’t know it WASN’T like this so I went to Belfast, Ireland and tried pizza, I went to Glasgow, Scotland, I went to London, I went to Berlin, Germany, I went to Barcelona, Spain, and Adelaide, Australia and California and Texas and I tried pizza in each one of these different places and I said “well you know this one sucks,” “this one’s not that bad,” and it took that perspective after I came back to Chicago and I ordered pizza from Chicago and the “holy shit, we really DO have the best pizza in the world.” That’s kind of a crappy analogy but it’s the truth!  It’s kind of like you’ve got to get away from what you know to be able to appreciate it…to be able to appreciate your parents, your friends, the music scene you have.  You’re from New Jersey right? Go to talk to some kids in Australia about going to shows, you’re in Jersey; you guys get shows all the fuckin’ time.  Go to Australia and talk to those kids about getting fucking shows ‘cause those kids don’t get shows the way we do.  So when you’re over there, kids are SUPER appreciative, they’re super stoked, they buy ALL the merch, and they’re not too cool for fucking school, they aren’t like “oh maybe I’ll buy a shirt next time” they’re like “give me every shirt, I want to support this band, I want to bring them snacks and food and Starbucks cards and I want to show them I appreciate them.”  Those kids over there don’t get it that often and because they don’t they appreciate it that much more.  I don’t even remember what the question was….oh okay well there’s so many [experiences] to be able to put our finger on, some that make it like a definitive, specific moment that absolutely changed my life.  I mean I could tell you the first time I listened to the Sex Pistol’s record that changed my life.  The Dead Kennedy’s, Bedtime for Democracy, that record changed the way that I saw the world.  Also the book You Can’t Be Neutral on a Moving Train by Howard Zinn changed the way that I saw social inequality.  There are so many different little things that changed the way that I view things but overall I would say that each one has been a huge eye-opening experience for me.

Maybe this is too much of a personal question and you have no obligation to answer it but: are you proud of who you are and the life you are living?
That’s a tough question to answer.  My initial reaction and answer is yes but the thing is, is that I hold myself up to a certain standard and I hold myself up to a really high standard and it’s a standard that I know I’ll never reach.  The reason why I hold myself up to it is because I always want to be striving for something; I don’t ever want to be satisfied.  I always want to be trying to be better, there’s always a way I can make myself emotionally give more to whatever I’m doing, be more passionate, be more honest.  Sometimes I sit back and think about it, like the past three years I’ve managed to live off of being me.  I’m not a band, I’ve been able to live off of being me, off of my work, about how I feel and think about things.  Yeah there’s been an amazing team behind me of designers, tour managers, interns, and what not but I’m really proud of myself to an extent because I know that’s not an easy thing to do.  I talk to people who are legitimate writers who have legitimate book deals and they tell me like “well I had to get a second job.” I talked to a writer the other day that has been in the industry for 30 years, he was a very well off person and I just don’t understand how you do it.  I don’t understand how you manage to survive because there’s people who have twice as much as you as far as writing goes.  I’m honored and I’m lucky to have the people who follow and support me, that read and come out to when I’m speaking about my books and emails…I’m lucky to have them, I really am and I try not to take it for granted.  Would I like to be doing better right now?  Of course I would!  I’d like to be more productive, I’d like to be more honest, I would like to not have to worry about being able to eat but overall the life that I chose, I was offered a job I wrote about it in one of my books, I was offered a job making over $100,000 a year starting on my first year and I turned it down do to what I do now.  I know that sounds like “whoa look at you, a big martyr” but it’s the truth, it’s the lifestyle I want.  It’s what I chose for myself, to live on my own to give it 100% and completely go after a dream is very rare and I know because I’ve toured all over the world and I’ve met people who say “I can’t do this” I’ve met people who are lawyers and doctors who are envious of what I do which is very strange to me and I’m like “yo you have a PhD what are you talking about” and they’re like “yeah but you get to do whatever you want to do.” I’m lucky and I know that, I’m extremely lucky and so by that right I’m very proud but I also have a ways to go.

Let’s talk about your new book 4AM Friends. Give me a sort of background as to what it’s about.
The book is called 4AM Friends and basically what it is is…well let me give you a quick story.  The first six books that I put out were insightful, some were funny, some were ridiculous, and they’re all pretty much the same nonfiction short stories recalling stories from my childhood, from my life and trying to find the positive.  They all hold a great place in my heart I think that they all are completely valid stories, I love them, some of the best writing I’ve ever done is in those books but the thing was is that you can’t keep writing the same books, you can’t keep recording the same record or filming the same movie.  There has to be something different, you have to change it up, regardless of whether or not people want you to.  Here’s the thing, I am employed by thousands of people, people who buy my books, and they’re all my bosses because without them I don’t have a job.  If they don’t buy my books, if they don’t support me then I don’t have a job.  So, while they are my boss, I have a responsibility to myself and that is to be honest.  I don’t have to write what they want me to write but what I do write has to be honest and vulnerable and has to be an attempt at being better than what I’ve done before.  That’s my promise that I make to everyone, is that whatever book you read, I’m going to do my damndest to write a better book. Not to keep your momentum, not to keep you guys buying stuff, but my point is to be a better writer, to be a better person, to make my world better and to give you better art and that is my job.  This book is completely different from all the rest, like I said before in structure, style, honesty and in vulnerability.  What it is is that it started out as a secret journal actually, online.  I made a blog and no one was allowed to read it, and it was just the way I felt about sexuality.  I didn’t miss words; I didn’t hold back, I said everything I wanted to say the way I wanted to say it without consequences.  I had written a few entries in there and I started thinking to myself “I wonder if I can turn this into a book” but then I was like “no” ‘cause it’s just too much for people, it’s too honest.  I kind of went back and forth for months but as I kept going back and forth I kept writing and writing and then the stories started to develop.  Then I said “no fuck this” I didn’t go through all this bullshit, I didn’t sit here and kill myself over these words, I did not have somebody read this thing.  What I wanted to do was I wanted to write a book about male sexuality that is the most honest thing you will ever read about it.  I mean you could say well again I’ve written about this, about how this compares immediately to the Tucker Max book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Initially I get really upset [with the comparisons] because people automatically assume that if you’re a guy and you’re writing a book about sex then it must be just a collection of fuck stories and that’s not what it is.  Of course there are stories about sex in there, like I know my audience is 85% women.  My job is to show women exactly how men feel before, during, after, how they go about attracting women, why they do it, how it makes them feel, what is substantial and what isn’t, it’s that insight to male sexuality, one that’s going to give you the good and the bad, one that’s going to give you a brutally honest look into how men view women as sexual objects , as people, how they feel about sleepovers, how they feel about first times and last times, how they feel about kissing people they don’t like and having sex with people they don’t like!  I think there’s so many different angles…there’s a really insightful angle on what it does to a male’s certain behaviors, and then there’s also the fun aspect of it ‘cause sexuality is fun and I think that people forget that a lot.  So there’s the fun aspect, the negative aspect, there’s the real aspect.  Basically what it is is a story about trying to figure out what the difference is between healthy sexuality and unhealthy sexuality.  I wanted to write this thing that would make people think and I know that sounds really basic but that’s the best way to describe it.  The handful of people who have read it have told me that they all got something from it, whether they identified with this aspect or that aspect each one of these people got something out of it.  Like I said one of the girls that read it she was like ‘honestly it makes me feel much better about my body issue’ and I was like “really?” and she said ‘well yeah in this part of the book you kind of go on about how men see it like this and they see it more like a sensual thing, a passionate thing and about people who are comfortable with their sexuality as opposed to if you’re sided to people who have big boobs or blonde hair.

Going into this you had to expect both positive and negative criticism, but you went on with it anyways.  Has there been a lot of negative criticism so far or is it more positive?
To be honest with you the thing is is that it’s not out yet.  I put it on pre sale and they don’t ship it until next month.  I really am expecting a bit of a backlash, but what I am trying to do is explain to people that it’s NOT a book of funny stories, that it will be very cringe-worthy in parts and that there are going to be a lot of points where you’re like ‘oh my god’ because I felt that way writing certain stories.  So I’m expecting a bit of a backlash but you know I was reading on Stickam, I go on Stickam every now and again, and I read a little bit from the book and it’s kind of like “hey this is my book, this is what it’s about, and I’m going to read a chapter.  So I read a chapter and somebody said ‘do you think this is demeaning?” and I respect people asking questions.  It’s one thing to be like “F*ck you, you’re a f*cking a**hole” alright well cool that does nothing, but if you question what I’m saying and you legitimately challenge what I’m saying, if you want to know, then I respect that. And honestly I said “honestly no I don’t think this is, I don’t think sexuality is demeaning, I think it can be used to be.  I think sexuality is a neutral, it’s like a bullet…it can either sit in a drawer somewhere or it can kill somebody and I think sexuality is the same way; you can love someone or abuse someone with sexuality.  It’s all within the person’s hands and it’s about learning to be responsible with that power.  I think that’s the main VEIN throughout my book is so [people] learn how to be responsible when you learn and again in the book I talk about what it is and how I go about to attract women.  I know it’s certain things that I say and do are going to be perceived as attractive to certain women and it’s going to make me seem more attractive if I did say that or didn’t say that.  I tell all these things, so in a way it’s exposing what I’m doing; it’s exposing what men do and in a way it’s kind of selling dudes out.  In a way it’s kind of like a warning sign to women saying like “hey this is what this dude means when he’s doing this.” I know what to say sometimes, I know how to say it, I know that if I can send an email to a random girl online saying this I know what each line in the email is meant to evoke.  I’ve sent thousands of emails to women.  I’ve gone on a ridiculous amount of dates and the thing is, I know what to say now…not to everyone of course, but I know what line to say that are intended to make me look more attractive.  Once you kind of realize that you have the tools it’s your responsibility to be careful with that and that’s an issue throughout the book, you know I meet certain people and I say no I don’t want to do this to this girl because this girl is too good and she doesn’t deserve this or that and not that anybody does but you know kind of like as the progression of the story goes on I start to kind of realize certain attributes that I have now.  And that sounds really arrogant…..but yeah I’m expecting a lot of criticism.  To be honest with you, I think that any real negative criticism that comes out of it is going to be from people who really just don’t understand what the intent really was, which was to shine a light on male sexuality and what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

A while ago you released The Dirt of an Electric Boy. Would you ever consider releasing another audio book?
That was one of the first things I’ve ever put out!  Since then I’ve put out a DVD, 7 books, I’ve gone on a bunch of tours, I’ve put out tons of other things and I’ve actually put out stuff for download, I’ve released 5 spoken word stuff on my website under the audio section and I’ve also released an audio book of my first book that I ever did.  I thought about actually putting out another audio CD but the only thing is is that everyone likes to read so what’s the point and then if you just upload it and say ‘here it’s for download!’ it’s everyone that likes it anyways [laughs].  It’s probably something I will do again in some capacity whether I’m doing an audio book or whether I’m putting another spoken word out.

<So after the book, what’s next? What do you want to do?
That’s a question I’m always asking myself, what’s next because you can’t stay complacent in one spot for too long.  So what I’m planning on doing after this book comes out next month is probably going to go on tours.  I think I’m probably going to do a handful of dates in the US and I want to go to Australia and the UK as well.  I’ll probably do about 5 dates in Australia and maybe to New Zealand while I’m out there as well and then if I go to the UK I’ll probably do Manchester, Nottingham and London and then try to tour during the summer on this book and try to get as much momentum behind it as possible.  Also I’m trying really hard to shop this book to a publisher and so I’ve got somebody helping me along the way.  My ultimate goal is to get this book picked up by a legitimate publisher, right now that’s what I’m focusing all my energy on.

How does it feel to know you’re a hero, a role model or even an inspiration to so many people?
Okay, to say that it’s an awesome feeling is all not good enough.  That is the way that I would describe it but after every email or instant message or every time somebody comes up to me at a speaking or a reading and gives me a hug, it’s like the first time, if that makes any sense.  It’s like I still can’t fucking believe this because all I do is talk about my life and what works for me and if somebody else can get something out of that well that’s fucking amazing!  I’m lucky, I’m beyond honored, I feel like the homeless dude that snuck in to the restaurant and they were like ‘oh here, come sit down sir! Here’s this big sundae, eat it for free!’ I’m like, I don’t deserve to be here, I don’t deserve any of this food, why are you giving me all this stuff.  And that’s kind of the way I feel but regardless of whether or not I understand it I know that it’s real to these people.  These people who come up to me and say these amazing things to me and it’s my responsibility to honor that and to be passionate about everything that I do and to not take it for granted.  I don’t come back here, roll around in my money after a tour and laugh and be like “ha ha ha these stupid kids love a blog” No, I’m like fuck that, you kids are fucking awesome.  All these bands talk shit about these 15-year-old kids and not wanting to do a fucking signing and I’m like “yo these kids are the people who pay your fucking bills you assholes.” Like why wouldn’t you want to get to know somebody who thinks what you do is cool…like somebody thinks what I do is cool, like how fucking weird is that?  I don’t get it, but I know that it’s real and I know they feel that way.  I wish that I could say the words or give them a long enough hug to make them understand just how much I truly appreciate it and how like I’m sitting in my apartment and I GET to have an apartment with air conditioning and light so I can see and that’s all 100% due to all these people who come up to me and give me hugs and send me emails.  It’s a direct reflection of how many people believe in what I’m doing.  So to honor that I have to continue to do what I do and be as honest as I possibly can.

Seeing as there are so many people who see you this way, if there was one thing you could say to them that you haven’t already said on LJ, what would that be?
That they are directly responsible for making somebody else’s dreams happen.  I know that sounds kind of corny but it’s the most accurate way to describe the situation.  This is my dream, for me it’s always been like I wish that I could live off of doing what I love.  Even if I didn’t make any money, I would still write, I would still write a blog, I would still do all this stuff, even if four people were paying attention I would still write all this stuff, it’s in me, I can’t help it…it’s bursting at my seams.  It was there when I was younger, it was there when I was doing hair and working at a hair salon, it’s there right now and it will be there in 50 years you know if I’m allowed to live another 50 years it’ll be there, it doesn’t go away.  It’s not something I turn on to make money, it’s not something I turn on to get followers, it’s not some bullshit like that, this is who I am and I can’t help it from coming out.  And because of that people support me and that’s just fucking mind-boggling, I’m not gonna lie.  Like I said in the beginning, they are directly responsible for making another person’s dream come true and being able to live my dream, like they are directly responsible for this and that’s fucking huge and I couldn’t say thank you enough.

Ultimately why would you say you have kept up with this blog for so many years?  What’s your driving force?
The driving force is every kid who leaves a comment, every kid who emails me something, every kid who shows up at one of my speakings.  Everyone is getting older and I need them and it’s awesome to see the kids I met when they were 16 and now they have legitimate jobs and degrees, that’s fucking insane to me.  Some of these kids I look at and I’m like “dude I remember when you were a little kid!”  The motivating force behind all of this is knowing that you are making a little bit of a difference as small as it may be, it’s so cool!  Let me give you an example, say you go to school and there’s somebody in the hallway crying and you go up to them and say “hey are you doing alright blah blah blah” and they’re like “yeah I’m fine thanks” and the next day they come up to you and say ‘hey thank you, when you came up to me in that time and said ‘are you doing okay’ it made a big difference to me that somebody cares.”  I’m sure that you can identify with that, it’s something that you’ve done in your time here that you’ve done and you didn’t realize how big of a deal it was to somebody else and they came up to you and made you feel good and said “hey thank you that was really cool” and you’re like kind of overwhelmed by it and you’re like “really? Thank you” and they’re like “no thank YOU for doing this, it was really cool” and you’re like “wow” and you almost feel obligated to like be a legit person, it makes you feel good to make somebody else’s day brighter even if it was just 5 minutes.  It’s a cool feeling when you make somebody else’s life a little easier or a little brighter and so that’s a cool feeling, I’m not going to lie, it’s a cool feeling when people come up to me and say “thank you” like that’s fucking awesome and they say “thank you” and “don’t stop what you’re doing” and I say “okay, I won’t stop if you don’t stop supporting.” So that’s what wakes me up and what motivates me is the fact that I know that there are people out there who believe in what I do and that’s fucking awesome and I could never betray them, I have to keep doing what I do.

You can read Chris’ blog and find excerpts from his new book here:  Ask Hey Chris
You can also purchase his book 4AM Friends: The Not-So-Secret Diary of an Online Pickup Artist here: DeadxStop